“HO HO HO! MERRY CHRISTMAS! YOU”VE BEEN A VERY GOOD GIRL ANNIE! HO HO HO! MERRY CHRISTMAS!” Seven different Santa Claus impersonators called Annie within an hour and a half. She panicked, unsure why her phone kept ringing with fake Santas from Los Angeles.
It started when I gave her a ride to the airport. On the dash of my Saturn, I keep a collection of baseball caps. My Retired and Loving It hat sits above the stereo and never moves. My grey Patagonia hat comes out during climbing trips. My Stihl Chainsaw hat only leaves the car when I want to look like a dashing lumberjack. Of my 3 hats, it’s my newest and favorite.
At 9am, I stopped at Annie’s house. At 9:15, we drove towards SLC airport. At 9:40, she sent me a picture from the plane. She was wearing my Stihl Chainsaw hat. She stole my hat from my car while I was being nice and giving her a ride to the airport on an early Saturday morning. Over the next few days, she sent me pictures of the hat in California. Here’s a picture of your hat on a Merry-Go-Round. Here’s a picture of your hat at a yardsale, lost in a bunch of other hats. Here’s a picture of your hat on a statue in a San Luis Obispo park. The photos kept coming and I kept getting angrier.
After three days of taunting photos, I decided to fight back. I sat done at my computer, went to Craigs List. I clicked on Gigs and then Talent Wanted. I typed away.
Santa Claus Voice Acting-$500 Casting Call
As part of a last minute Christmas event, our production company, Paramount Pictures, is looking to play a voice over of Santa Claus. We want a 10 second clip of a “Ho-ho-ho” that sounds jovial. We want to hear Santa’s smile through the recording.
The most talented Santa Claus voice will be brought into the studio December 25th for a last minute recording of half an hour.
Transportation will be provided from anywhere within 200 miles of the Hollywood studio. The voice actor will receive a $500 cash compensation for their time.
To save time on casting please call and leave a voice message of your best Santa impression to 555-555-5555
6245 Santa Monica Boulevard
Hollywood, CA 90038
I posted the ad and leaned back on the couch. I laughed. Annie was in for it- the “HO HO HO!”s would stop when I got my ha-ha-hat.
An hour and a half later, Annie posted on Facebook, "Woah. Hacked for a casting call on craigslist. I hope none of you did this as it isn't funny remotely."I laughed even more. I was a fucking genius. I was brilliant and funny. Maybe the smartest man in the room and certainly the funniest. Sure nobody else was there but I couldn't stop laughing.